


I Want to Hate Every Part of You In Me

by RedesignxRebuildxReclaim



Category: Ring of Honor, 新日本プロレス | New Japan Pro-Wrestling
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-30
Updated: 2017-11-30
Packaged: 2019-02-08 14:56:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12866931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedesignxRebuildxReclaim/pseuds/RedesignxRebuildxReclaim
Summary: Angsty Oneshot between Marty Scurll and OFC Holly Washington. Holly and Marty had broken up three months ago. But when ROH comes into town she decides to make one last ditch effort to save her relationship. When all their problems bubble to the surface what will be the result?





	I Want to Hate Every Part of You In Me

It had been three months since Holly had last seen Marty Scurll. Three excruciatingly long months. But three months ago was supposed to be the last time she ever saw him as well.

That last encounter was when she had finally decided to walk away from him. It was when she'd decided to walk away from all of the time they'd put into building their relationship.

True to form they'd gone out with a hell of fight. The same fire that fueled the good parts of their relationship had always been present in their bad times as well.

Her and Marty had never truly been able to find a calm middle ground throughout their relationship. It had always been fire and passion all the time. Intense love meeting intense fights as both of their strong personalities collided.

But after two years of being head over heels in love with him she hadn't been able to do it any more.

She'd supported him through everything. She'd always been his biggest fan, pushing him to chase his dreams even as it meant less time with her the bigger he got in the wrestling world.

But once he'd made it to Ring of Honor and then joined Bullet Club and New Japan things had shifted with him. It wasn't the fact that he was never around that bothered her. It was that _he_ had changed. Something inside of him wasn't the same Marty she recognized and loved.

She wasn't even sure when the shift in him started. She just knew one day that he wasn't the same.

She'd attempted to push the thoughts away for a while, sure that she was just reacting to missing him more as he was on the road far more often. But after a while, she couldn't ignore it any more.

As intense and angry as their fights got sometimes Marty had never been distant with her before. He was suddenly short with her in a way he'd never been before. They'd argue and he would make no effort to rectify the fight.

More than that Marty had always been on open book to her. Never afraid to tell her exactly what he was thinking good and bad.

But somewhere along the line that had changed. She knew him well enough to know when he was acting shady and dodging questions. And that had lead her to assume he was cheating on her.

She'd even confronted him about it a few times and he'd always brushed her off, convinced her she was being paranoid, and told her to drop it. And she _had_ dropped it for a while.

But that changed the last night she saw him. He'd come back to her apartment with her after a Ring of Honor show he'd performed at in town and had been acting like an outright dick since leaving the show with her.

When she tried to ask him what was wrong so she could try to at least comfort him if he was upset he'd shut her down, telling her that her nagging was what was wrong. It had been like a slap to the face. She had only wanted to help him and he'd managed to turn it around to her always being needy and whiny lately.

One thing lead to another and after some more nasty comments he'd directed at her it had culminated with her telling him to get the fuck out of her life if he wasn't happy with her or if he didn't think she was good enough for him.

He'd responded with an ice cold response of "Sounds fucking marvelous to me." and had walked out.

The next day he texted her that he was going to pick up his things while she was at work and that she wouldn't have to see him again.

She came home from work and sure enough all of his stuff was gone, his key left behind on her kitchen counter. He had effectively erased himself from her life and erased the two years they'd spent together overnight.

But in the few months since the breakup she couldn't help but think of him all the damn time. She hated herself for it. She wanted nothing more than to erase him from her life for real like he'd clearly wanted. But she couldn't bring herself to do it.

Her friends had even tried to assure her that it was normal after two years of being with someone to be heartbroken months later. They promised her that she would move on. But she knew better.

She hadn't been able to move on at all. Every time anything would remind her of him it felt like a fresh punch to the gut.

She'd kicked him out of her life and he'd gladly walked off without an argument. That should have been enough for her to wash her hands of him and move on. But she just couldn't do it. She couldn't get her mind to stop wondering if she'd made a mistake.

She _loved_ Marty. She probably loved him too much for own good if she was being totally honest with herself. But she'd always assumed he felt the same way about her until that last fight.

But seeing the way he'd looked at her like she was nothing to him had crushed some part of her. She had to get closure, even if it lead to her being hurt even worse by him. She needed her questions answered to know if she had ever mattered to him like she thought she had.

Which lead her to what she was doing tonight. Ring of Honor was in town again for a show and all of the Bullet Club would be there, Marty included. She'd reached out to Nick and Matt Jackson to see if they would help her get in contact with him one last time, even knowing it would be a long shot.

They'd hesitated at first, not wanting to get involved in Marty's personal drama. But she'd always been close with the two brothers and eventually they'd given in and agreed to help her.

So here she was. Hidden in a back room of the venue waiting for the bucks to trick Marty and bring him to talk to her.

To say her stomach was in knots would have been an understatement. She was so nervous there was a physical stabbing pain in her stomach and she was very seriously considering just leaving and telling them not to worry about it.

She wasn't even sure what she really thought was going to happen here. More than likely it would only make things worse for her and for Marty. But the thought of getting to see his gorgeous face again, quite possibly for the last time, was rooting her to where she sat on a stack of crates.

She perked up at the sound of voices approaching down the previously silent hallway. She would know Marty's voice anywhere, and it was definitely them approaching. She hopped off the crates and smoothed out the leather skater skirt she was wearing and glanced down making sure she looked okay. As if that would matter.

Her heart was pounding in her chest as the door swung open and Nick, Matt and Marty walked in. "I don't get why the writers need to talk to me back he-" Marty froze, not finishing his sentence as he met her eyes.

In an instant his relaxed gaze hardened, his green eyes narrowing at her. "What the fuck is this?" Marty glanced between the two brothers, his anger palpable as he took all three of them in.

"Just talk to her man" Nick replied, his voice soothing as he met his friend's angry scowl.

"I have nothing to say to her." He snarled back. His words felt like slap to the face all over again. "And I don't appreciate you two fucking lying to me and bringing me to see my fucking ex."

"She just wants to talk to you Marty" Matt glanced at Holly with a soft, apologetic look. "Just maybe try to hear her out."

"Just talk to her Marty." Nick replied, his voice more forceful this time. "You two were together two years. The least you can do is talk one last time like adults."

"You have ten minutes" He finally spoke directly to Holly. "Then I'm gone and you can get fucked." Nick and Matt took that as their cue to hurry out the door. Matt patted Marty on the back and mouthed good luck to Holly before he shut the door behind them.

Holly tried to speak but her voice caught in her throat as she met his eyes. He looked so furious, his beautiful features twisted up in an angry snarl. This wasn't even a Marty she had ever known. Even when they got into their worst fights there'd always been some softness to him when it came to her.

Any softness he'd once had for her was clearly gone as he stared at her now, his posture rigid and closed off. "Are you going to speak? Because you had two of my best friends lie to me and force me to talk to you. So maybe try getting some words out." His British accent seemed thicker in his anger. When she still didn't speak he snapped at her loudly. "Fucking talk Holly!"

"I just..." Holly tried to speak, her voice betraying her fear before she broke off again with hot tears stinging her eyes. She'd expected him to be mad, but not to this extent. This anger was new and honestly scary. "I needed to talk to you."

"And here I fucking am." Marty waved his hand out dramatically as if he was presenting himself to her. "So get on with it."

"Why are you being like this?" Holly hated how weak and broken her voice sounded. She had never wanted herself to be that way for anyone, not even him. Hell, especially not for him.

"Why am I being like this?" His laugh held no humor as he shook his head at her. "Last time I saw you you told me to get out of your fucking life. So why are you reappearing in mine?"

"Yeah and you did just that. You just left-"

"-Yeah, I did what _you_ asked me to do. So why the fuck are you here Holly?" Marty fixed her with a hard stare.

"I meant that little to you that you just walked away without a fight?" She crossed her arms over her chest to steady herself and try to feel at least slightly in control. "I meant nothing to you besides a 'sure thing bye' and a text?"

"You told me to fucking leave!" Marty screamed at her, his fist balling at his side. "Who's the one who meant nothing here? You told me to get the fuck out of your life after months of accusing me of cheating on you and not caring about you." Marty's voice had raised to a frighteningly loud pitch. "So that's what I did. _You_ were the one that gave up on us. Not fucking me. So don't project your bullshit onto me." She jumped as he punched a plastic container next to him and leveled her with a fiery stare. " _You_ did this. You did the giving up."

That was the point that finally managed to break her sadness and pushed her into true, white hot anger. "How fucking dare you Marty."

"How dare I?" He placed his hand on his chest and met her eyes with an incredulous glare. "How dare I?! I'm sorry... what part of that is untrue here?" She hated when he'd get his pompous attitude like he had right now. It had always been enough to make her want to smack the smug smile off his face.

"I did _not_ give up on us. I gave fucking _everything_ to you and to this relationship. I gave _everything_ to you and you started acting like I was just some god damn inconvenience in your life."

"Maybe because you _were_ being an inconvenience. Maybe I got fucking tired of being accused of cheating on you every time I saw you." Marty stepped towards her and she didn't back down from him. "Maybe I just needed some time with the girl I used to be crazy about. But all I ever got was this insecure pathetic girl I didn't even know any more."

"I was the same person Marty. I was and always have been crazy about you. You started pulling away from me and dodging questions. What else was I supposed to think?"

"I don't give a single fuck what you think to be honest. Go ahead and think whatever you want."

"That's real nice Marty." Holly spat the words at him. "Answer this for me. Did you ever give a fuck about me? Or was it always just some convenient little game for you having me around? Was I just there so when you came home you had a nice easy fuck waiting for you? Was it nice having a pathetic girl to take care of you before you went back out on the road?"

"You can fuck yourself Holly." Marty turned away from her and started for the door.

"Answer the fucking question Marty!" Holly lost her temper and screamed at him, crossing the room and grabbing his arm. She yanked him back around, her brown eyes meeting his green ones in an icy stare down. "And while we're at it answer the other question I had been asking you for months. Did you cheat on me?"

"You want your fucking question answered?" Marty's face was inches from hers and she couldn't help but feel intimidated. Regardless she refused to back away from him. She wasn't backing down now. Even with this new rage she still didn't believe he would ever lay his hands on her. "I did cheat on you. But not until you had already been harassing me about it for weeks."

His confession felt like a knife had been buried deep in her chest. She had always suspected it but to hear it confirmed from his mouth was a different kind of pain. She felt a hot tear roll down her cheek and she let go of his arm, feeling herself go weak as a numbness washed over her.

"You know what, it was the worst thing I've ever fucking done. I've never felt like such a shitty person in my entire life. I fucking loved you Holly. You were my god damn world. For better or worse I _always_ loved you. But after months of being treated like some scummy criminal by you I couldn't take it any more."

She stared up at him, a deep hollowness gnawing at her gut as she felt frozen to her spot in front of him. He _had_ cheated on her, and as if that wasn't awful enough to hear he had also used love in the past tense. It was like the hits just kept coming.

"The night you ended things with me the guilt was eating me alive. I had been racking my brain all day trying to figure out how to tell you what had happened while still stressing how much of a mistake it had been and how much I loved you."

"There _is_ no way to tell someone you cheated on them and stress you still love them" She shot back, her voice flat and emotionless. "Usually you just don't cheat on them. That's how you show someone you love them." She moved to step backwards, desperate to put some space between her and him now.

Marty grabbed her wrist, stopping her from moving away from him. "Holly-" His voice finally softened as he took her in and he finally started to resemble the Marty she had loved since the first moment he talked to her. That was what finally broke her.

"Get the fuck off me Marty" She snapped at him as tears streamed down her face. She tried to fight out of his grip on her wrist but he held her, his green eyes pleading with her to listen to him.

"We got into that awful fight before I left for the England tour and I thought you didn't want me any more." he tried to meet her eyes. "I got really drunk and slept with some random girl because I really thought you didn't care about me any more. But the next day you texted me about how much you missed me and I've never felt so sick to my stomach. I _know_ I fucked up okay. But you had been mad at me for weeks. We had been fighting and going at it for weeks. I thought you didn't love me any more."

"Fuck you Marty" Holly swung her fist at him, weakly connecting with his arm but finally succeeding in making him let go of her wrist. "I always loved you even when you were being a selfish fucking asshole and were pulling away from me. And even when you were being a total douchebag, which was often by the way, I still would never have cheated on you." She shoved him backwards as her pain turned to anger and he let her push him away from her.

"I pulled away from you because you didn't seem happy any more." Marty yelled back, his voice tinged with desperation now more than anger. "I wasn't making you happy any more and it killed me. All I've ever wanted was for you to be happy."

"Yeah well you have a real odd way of showing that."

"That's why I god damn left that day." He snapped. He ran a shaky hand through his dark hair and she noticed his eyes were red and glassy when he finally met hers again. "You told me to get out of your life and it was the worst pain I've ever felt in my life. But I knew you were done. I knew it was past the point where I could make you happy. Especially given what I had done. So I left."

"You acted like I didn't even matter. You left and you acted like I was just as disposable to your life as I had felt for all those weeks." her voice cracked and her legs felt dangerously weak. "I never wanted you to stay gone Marty. All I ever wanted was for you to come back to me. To show you cared and to fight for me. Even as everyone in my life told me I needed to just cut ties away with you and live my life I stuck by your side and waited for you to hopefully come back and fight."

Holly took a deep breath, struggling to find the words she'd wanted to say to him so badly. "I genuinely wish I fucking hated you. I wish I could hate every part of you that I know is still in me, but I _can't_ " Holly broke down into loud sobs as Marty closed her in his arms. "I wish I hated you even now." She brought her fist down to his chest in one last thud as she broke down. Her fingers tangled in the front of his shirt as he held her.

"You're a piece of shit and I still fucking love you. It's not fair." She cried harder as his fingers ran through her hair like how he always used to comfort her.

"I'm sorry Holly" he finally sounded fully like her Marty. The Marty that cared about her and had always comforted her after their blow outs. "It's not fair. I'm sorry."

"I never wanted you to leave me." She choked out, looking up and seeing he had tears of his own staining his cheeks now. "I just wanted you to be the Marty I knew. I didn't know you any more and it killed me."

"I know." He spoke softly, holding her tightly against him. "I fucked up Holly. I know that. I just didn't think I deserved you any more and I went and properly fucked it all up." His voice cracked with emotion and she felt his lips press to the top of her head in a soft kiss.

"You _don't_ deserve me probably" She mumbled against his chest. She could feel his t-shirt was wet from her tears but made no effort to move from his arms. "But that never mattered to me... it still doesn't."

"I'm sorry" He gripped her arms and held her at a distance from him so he could meet her eyes. "I'm sorry I fucked up and pushed you away. I'm even more sorry I cheated on you and I'm sorry I just left you. I'm a god damn fuck up. But I never thought you were nothing. You were always my world."

"You were always the bright spot at the end of a tour when I was beaten down and exhausted. I couldn't ever wait to get home to you. I shouldn't have pushed you away I just didn't know how to handle you losing your faith in me."

"Talk to me next time. Don't push me away if you actually care. Don't go rushing into some other girl's arms. Fucking _talk to me_."

"Next time?" Marty's face scrunched up into confusion and Holly wished she hadn't spoken for a moment. She'd just assumed he wanted her back in his life as much as she wanted him back in hers. Maybe she shouldn't have assumed that. Maybe his rage earlier should have been a sign that even as they finally laid all their cards on the table he still wouldn't want her any more.

She sighed and decided she didn't want to leave with any regrets again. If she left heartbroken fine, but she wasn't going to leave without doing everything she wanted. "Look... I'm willing to give it another try and work on us if you are. Yeah, we fucked up. We both did dumb shit and hurt one another. But you've always been my happy place and my home Marty. Not having you around has been awful. It's fucking hollow having to live every day without you."

Marty's hands dropped from her arms and she felt her heart sink. She truly couldn't read him for one of the first times in her life. "Okay, I get it Marty. I just wanted closure at least, so thank you for at least talking to me." She felt more tears burning at the back of her eyes and she pushed past him and reached for the door.

Before she could turn the doorknob Marty pulled her back around, his lips pressing to hers in a rough kiss as he scooped her back into his arms. She reacted instantly, her arms wrapping behind his neck and melting into him.

She'd forgotten how good he tasted, how great it felt to have his body pressed against her own. Fuck... she'd even forgotten how great he smelled.

His tongue hungrily deepened the kiss, a neediness and desperate quality to the way he was kissing her. Holly tightened her arm around him, her other hand falling back to his chest and gripping his t-shirt tightly in her fist.

Marty reached down and grabbed one of her legs, wrapping it around him before he grabbed her ass and pressed her as close to him as possible. She could feel how hard he was as he pressed against her. Smiling against his lips she slid her hand down his chest until she reached his growing erection, teasingly stroking his length over his basketball shorts. The small moan she elicited from him was like heaven to her ears.

She had missed making him moan. It was such a beautiful noise. She moved to slide her hand under his shorts and he stopped her, spinning her around and lifting her so she was sitting on top of the crates from before.

"I need you" he mumbled against her lips, his hand sliding between her legs and practically ripping her panties off from under her skirt.

She gasped and bit her lip to stifle a moan as he teased her with his fingers, thumb circling her clit. "I want to hear you love" His breath was hot on her ear before he lightly sucked on her earlobe.

The sensation of his fingers stroking her and his lips moving to her neck was enough to draw a loud moan from her. Her moan only fueled him more, causing him to suck on her neck harder, a beautifully sweet pain remaining when he kissed her again. She knew she would have a mark there tomorrow and she didn't mind one bit.

He'd always loved marking her, claiming her as his property. And she was glad to be his again. "You want me love?" He teased her, pushing his skilled fingers deep inside of her and smiling as she bit his shoulder in response. "Fuck Marty. _Yes_ , I want you." She breathed out, kissing him hard.

Marty broke away from her with his patented wicked grin and lowered to his knees. He lifted each of her legs over his shoulders and trailed kisses down the inside of her thigh, leaving a trail of goosebumps in his wake before he lowered his mouth to her.

"Holy shit" she arched her back and gripped the edge of the crate as the sensation of his tongue washed over her. His hands gripped her waist tightly as he expertly ate her out, his tongue dipping deep inside of her. "Marty... please" She moaned, her voice coming out in a breathy plea. "I want you to fuck me."

She could feel him stir at her words and she smiled as he stood back up and finally freed his erection from his black basketball shorts. "Tell me how you want me to fuck you love." His demand only served to turn her on even more.

"I want you to fuck me hard" She replied honestly, "Fuck me like you missed me."

"I did miss you" he mumbled as he kissed her deeply again, his tongue entwining with her own. "I missed you and your gorgeous pussy."

She felt him position himself against her, teasing her. Holly pulled his lower lip into her mouth, biting him to tease him in return. "Fuck me already then" She commanded, enjoying the way his eyes lit up at her demand.

Holly gasped as Marty pushed into her hard. He used his hands to push her down none too gently, laying her backwards so she was flat on the crate and he could push into her even deeper. His hands gripped her hips tightly as he thrust into her at a furious pace. She held on to the back of his neck pulling him down on top of her, wanting to feel the full weight of him on top of her.

"I'm close" she admitted as she felt her orgasm building up. Months of being without him had her on the edge of release far more quickly than normal, but she could tell he was close as well.

She arched her back as she moved with him and enjoyed the deliciously deep moan that escaped his lips. "Oh fuck love, I'm going to cum." He warned her through shallow breaths.

"Cum for me" She mumbled against his lips as she pulled him to her for one last kiss. His moan of pleasure against her lips was enough to help her reach her own orgasm as she tightened around him.

"Holy shit woman." Marty sighed as he pulled out and fell weakly on top of her, his face buried in the crook of her neck. She could hear him taking deep breaths to steady himself as she ran her hands through his hair.

"Holy shit is right" she agreed quietly, closing her eyes and enjoying his closeness.

"I have to say that I'm really glad you chose to wear a skirt tonight." She could hear the smile in his voice even if she couldn't see it right now with how he was positioned on top of her.

"Yeah, well... truth be told I was kind of hoping things would end up this way."


End file.
